Friday, August 26, 2016

The Baby Naming Games



Strategy
Outcome: You
Outcome: Mom
Outcome: Baby
Distraction
:)
:(
:.(
Duke it out
:#(
:)
:?
Argue
:%
:%
:?
Rational Discussion
:|
:|
:?
Multiple Names
:)
:)
:?
Kid’s Choice
:(
:(
:)
3rd Party Choice
:(
:(
:?

Congratulations, you're going to have a baby!
Everyone know that the best part of having a baby is picking the name, and deciding on the final name is much like the Hunger Games.
To help you out, here are some strategies along wth a handy matrix.

1. Distraction: from a friend: " ask her what her stance is on circumcision, for boys or girls. Then take the Opposing view either for or against. Fight over it for weeks, until you offer this truce "ok, we'll do it your way, as long as I get to pick the name". Win win!
You: happy
She: happy
Baby: May or may not be circumsized  not for beliefs, but due to a red herring.

2. Duke it out
Pick a date, place, and type of weapon (fists? Knives? Clothing covered in Feces?) and duke it out the old fashioned way. Winner picks name.
She: happy
You: beaten

3. Argue until you're blue in the face. Just scream and tell at each other until you can't take it any more. Winner picks name.
She: happy
You: unhappy and resentful.

3. Rational discussion. Pick a time for a discussion and rationally discuss all the pros and cons of each name suggestion. Draw a chart illustrating the pros and cons and use the process of elimination until the clear an logical choice emerges.
She: happy
You: ha ha ha ha this will never happen!

4. Go with multiple names. In this day and age, what difference does it make if a kid has two names, three names or four?
She: happy
You: happy

5. Let the kid chose. Call him/her "baby", "junior", "sweetie", "skip" until they turn five. On their fifth birthday say, alright now you get to chose your name!
She: does it matter?
He: does it matter?
Baby: happy

6. Let someone else pick it. Both fathers of my girlfriend and I have the. same name. We've resigned to giving that name to our son, but here's an alternative: offer both fathers to pick a name instead of giving our son theirs. You may hate it, but honestly someone's going to have a problem with every name out there.
She:
Me: